Let’s get one thing off our chests straight away.

Ok, two things: first, that bit of dried-out apple and banana puree (how long has that been there?). And now, the other thing. Which is the title of this blog. Implying that you haven’t been ‘working’ up until this point is ludicrous.

How many other bosses have called you at all hours of the night, every night, yelling incomprehensible diatribe right at you, pushing you to a state so vegetative that you nearly hug the NZ Post guy because he gives you a whole sentence of pure, unadulterated, human English?

Zippo. Exactly.

So ‘returning to work’ is a misnomer. But now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s begin.

Want to get back into the office? Wondering if this whole working after Baby idea’s got legs? Guess what? It does. Now, let’s do this.

Today’s how-to: Negotiating flexible work arrangements.

Remember the last time you were at the supermarket checkout with your toddler?

Ok, first, a breath. In. Out. It is over.

Therapy bills and extreme public embarrassment aside, think about how you handled that situation. Chances are it involved the word ‘no,’ some histrionics (his/hers, yours or maybe both), and a resolution. You negotiated.

So you know you can do it. But the tip here is to do it with your boss, not with a screaming infidel, and without an elaborate, staged display of abandonment using repeated utterings of the phrase ‘Bye bye, Archer, bye bye’.

In his book Never Split the Difference, former lead FBI Hostage Negotiator Chris Voss shares some trade secrets on negotiating towards a desired outcome. And some of them may well surprise you.

1.Slow down the conversation.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that honesty and a direct approach will work. You’re infinitely more likely to have success with a slower, more roundabout conversation. It might seem counter-intuitive, but it works, Voss says. “[directness] tends to come across as being very blunt and overly aggressive… dealing with me might feel like getting hit in the face with a brick.”

So. You’ve got your straight-shooting manager on the phone. And you might be tempted to mirror her approach in order to negotiate those flexible working arrangements, with a “Karen, I’m going to cut to the chase. I would like to return to work but on part-time hours.”

Nope! Ease Karen in. Establish empathy, trust and a rapport first or you’ll be ending with a ‘bye bye, Karen, bye bye.’ (And it’s probably not going to be as effective on a 40 year-old serial entrepreneur with an MA in Finance.)

2.Forget about ‘yes’.

What’s a toddler’s favourite word? No.

The same goes for whoever it is you’re negotiating with. Framing your question in a way that requires your negotiating partner to say ‘yes’ is going to instantly get his or her hackles up. Voss believes that ‘yes’ is confrontational. It requires a commitment. Conversely, ‘no’ makes people relax. “If you make it clear to them that it’s okay to say “no”, then you help them feel autonomous which makes them more collaborative.”

So, instead of “Hi Karen, do you have a moment to talk about me coming back to work?”, try “Hi Karen, I was hoping to speak to you about coming back to work. Is now a bad time?”

3.Think of all the things that could be used against you – and use them yourself.

Voss believes that to establish rapport and collaboration quickly, you should “acknowledge the negative and defuse it”.

So instead of, “Hey Karen, I don’t want you to think I’m not committed,” try “Hey Karen, I know it seems like I’m not committed.” It’s a subtle change but again, it makes Karen feel heard, it demonstrates that you’re thinking about her feelings and most of all, it takes that argument right out of the picture.

So there you go. Negotiating flexible working arrangments, FBI-style. So you can return to your dreams of working after Baby - on your own terms.

But what if you don’t have a job? CV magic tips and some career-divining jiu jitsu, up next.

Now, time to pour a glass of sav and binge watch Human Target…

Want more help? Give us a call. We’ve got dedicated careers consultants ready to give your career ambitions an extreme makeover for free! (What’s the catch? There’s no catch! (But how do we make money? Check us out here: www.careerfusion.co.nz)